Earlier this week I was thinking about the movie “The Box.” I haven’t seen it, but from what I understand it’s about a married couple who will get millions of dollars by opening a box. If the box is opened someone will die. This seems like an ethical question worth pondering. A person’s life is comprised of memories, actions, dreams and so forth. All of that could be wiped away in an instant. Whatever effect the person could’ve had on the world and the lives of the people they could’ve encountered would also be ripped away. On the other hand, every person has a reptilian brain stem that would gladly step on others for survival in order to keep living (or even just to get further along). Which side would win in a mental arm wrestle - the outer cortex that can feel and empathize or the brain's core that only cares about survival?
This got me thinking about a crucial ethical question I feel I may someday have to face:
Would I allow someone to die for a cheeseburger?
There are no easy answers when pressed with a question that tests the dualistic nature of the human mind. First off, I think quality is a major deciding factor. Is this a cheap, ninety-nine cent cheeseburger I can get at any fast food restaurant? Or is it a home cooked burger with thick, premium beef grilled barely passed the point of medium rare. Is the meat lightly seasoned and blanketed with fresh cut cheddar cheese? Is there sizzling bacon resting atop the cheese in an “X marks the spot” position? Are there absolutely NO vegetables on it? What about the bun? Is it freshly baked? If all of these conditions apply, I’m leaning towards the cheeseburger.
What about the quality of the person? Are they someone who makes the world a better place to live in? Do they perform amazing work in their chosen field? Even if they’re just an all around polite, intelligent and funny person, that should be enough to make me choose life over lunch.
And yet, what if they’re none of these things? What if they’re stupid, passive aggressive, smug, loud and preachy? Perhaps they’re a child molester or one of those people who scams old folks out of their life savings. What if I just plain don’t like them?
Providing the first set of characteristics describe the potential death victim, I’ll reluctantly pass on the cheeseburger. If, however, the second set are what I’m faced with, I would gladly eat the sandwich and make the world a better place.
Where am I when this choice is presented to me? Am I downtown? Am I in the middle of Death Valley? This could change the outcome dramatically. If I’m in the middle of a city where a cheeseburger is not only possible, but comes in variety, I might have to say no to the offer. In contrast, let’s say that I’m fifty miles from the nearest town in the middle of nowhere and I don’t have a car. What then? I’m certainly not walking fifty miles for a cheeseburger. That would be preposterous! Someone would have to die.
At what time of the day would this occur? I don’t like to eat too much in the morning. It slows me down and makes me feel heavy throughout the day. Of course I could wrap up the burger, put it in the fridge and reheat it later, but cheeseburgers always taste better fresh. Assuming the ultimatum was placed before noon, I would not accept the cheeseburger. If I was given the choice at night and I hadn’t eaten all day, then I’m not so sure. I can’t say what I would do in that situation. Hunger makes people rash and illogical and I’m no exception to the rule. I do know that I would not want to be the guy facing potential death with a hungry me looking at them.
Back to quality. What about the quality of death? If I chose the cheeseburger and the person got a quick bullet to the temple, would that be so bad? Everyone dies eventually. To take this point further, what if the person’s natural death, years later, was far worse than the fast, semi-painless gunshot? What if, for instance, the person lived on only to get fucked to death by a horse? Even if the person cured cancer in their lifetime, they would forever be remembered as that guy who got anally horseshoed into an early grave. If this were the case, I think I would be doing the person a favor by eating the cheeseburger.
Perhaps, like all great ethical questions, there isn’t supposed to be an answer. What matters is thinking in different directions and escaping a stagnant point of view. Would I let someone die for a cheeseburger? I don’t know, maybe. Well, probably. It would depend on the circumstances. I can’t really say for sure and I don’t think anyone else could either. Further pontification of this subject sounds fun, but now I’m hungry. If you’ll excuse me, I’m off to eat tacos.
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